When my girls were little I would go to bed and want to tear out my hair because the lyrics to Barney would run nonstop through my brain on a continuous loop..I love you, you love me. Horrid. Now I have a different set of lyrics running through my brain. Perhaps you recognize them....
In five, four, three, two
somehow the world will change for me
and be so wonderful
I know somehow we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful
It's all for real
I'm telling you just how i feel
So wake up the members of my nation
It's your time to be
there's no chance unless you take one
every time you see the brighter side
of every situation
somethings are meant to be
so give me your best and leave the rest to me
leave it all to me
leave it all to me
just leave it all to me
I have viewed just about every iCarly episode on tv, so I don’t pay much attention anymore. It never occurred to me to actually listen to the lyrics.
Today was not a great day. Another morning of arguments, threats to return to school and many, many tears. Out of the rubble of the aftermath of this argument came a glimmer of hope. We all hopped into my bed, pulled the covers up to our chins and talked. I acknowledged their feelings. Grace is struggling to find her way in a system she is not familiar with in a structure that was created by Lilah and I months ago. Lilah is feeling that this very structure is disrupted and she is not so sure she likes it. I asked for a promise, to treat each other with kindness and respect. Then I told them to leave it all to me. Put their trust in me. Count on me as their mother to know that as long as this is what we all want, we will find a way to make it work. Lean on me when they are feeling unsure. Confide in me when they do not like something or have ideas for change.
In turn, I am leaving it all up to God. I can plan, prepare and present. But I am realizing that this journey is so much more than just homeschooling. This is about mending a relationship between two little girls.
As Stacey wrote in my comments yesterday, “What if this is a bigger journey? What if it is as much about being "sisters" and being "family" as it is about school lessons. What if the reason our nation's families are such a mess (high divorce rates, etc) is that we don't really know how to "get along" as families because we always go our separate ways in 20 different directions? I'm thinking your daughters will be the best of friends in about 10 years and quite possibly relationally intelligent because they will be forced to figure out intimacy as siblings rather than superficial friendships in public school.”
I have been thinking about this all day. We have not been homeschooling all along. We have been homeschooling one child for 9 months and the other child for 2 weeks. They have been in school for six and three years. That is significant time spent apart. Weekends are busy running errands, spending time with Dad, church and family dinners. Our weekends have never allowed for long stretches of quiet time at home. This is new for them. They don’t always know how to related to one another. It is like they are rediscovering being sisters and working on becoming friends. What seemed so simple, sisterhood, is actually quite complicated. Two girls relating to one another, sharing the time and attention of one parent (who happens to also be their teacher), recently sharing a room, sharing homeschool friends, plus the newness of learning at home is a lot for a young person to adjust to. It is going to take time, patience and understanding.
So Grace and Lilah, It's your time to be, there's no chance unless you take one, every time you see the brighter side of every situation, somethings are meant to be, so give me your best and leave the rest to me.