Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Life is Not Always Fair and Fair is Not Always Equal

Last night was the spring band concert at school. It was a hard night for me. All year long I feel as though I have been distancing myself from school; first with working full time and not being able to physically be in the school building, then by removing Lilah from the school itself to my continual disdain at the way school operates in general. Sitting there in a crowded gymnasium, it hit me that this may be my last experience with school for some time and quite possibly my last in the school my daughters attended since they were five.

In addition to this, I had a moment of uncertainty about Grace. She loves band. She enjoys playing the flute with her friends. Performing brings her joy. I worried about how much she will miss it. I watched her carefully. She did not look happy. She played her songs with pride. However, Grace is a year ahead of the material she was expected to learn in fourth grade. She has taught herself how to play and can easily keep up with the advanced band students. Despite this, she was not allowed to play with the advanced band because this is her first year. She was angry and I was angry for her. I have always told her life is not always fair and fair is not always equal. This was not fair and there are times when not all students should be treated equal. If she is capable and could have auditioned (like she had to for her solo), why then could she not audition for the opportunity to play with the advanced band for just one song? We will never know.

I realized she may miss band. I am trying to arrange flute lessons with the music school she currently attends for piano. She will be participating in our church youth choir this fall and the music director at church was the music teacher at school last year. He knows Grace and I think if she asks him, he will incorporate her piano and flute into the choir. She will have opportunities to perform. Her lessons will continue. Life may be unfair at times, but we still grow from these experiences. My moment of uncertainty was fleeting.

I enjoyed watching her play. Even though I could not rotate the video upright, hopefully you will too!


Theresa said...

Thanks for sharing the video! She did a great job!

As you know, I am going through the same thing. I think we have decided to try hsing next year and then the girls tell me about something good that happened in school and I wonder how I can take them out! How they will miss their friends!

I agree with you completely. I have always favored looking at someone's ability as opposed to their age or grade level or even their seniority in the company. Life isn't fair, I just wish it were and I wish they didn't have to learn these lessons so young!

Jessica said...

Theresa, I just wrote a comment in your latest post that I wish you peace in making the decision. Even after it is made there are still doubts and worries but I know that if things don't work for G, our school has been around for 80 years, it will be there should she want to return for 6th grade. I don't think about long term (although I know we could hs long term), I just try to think about the current term, and keep planning for the upcoming term. One step forward at a time.

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