Last night was the spring band concert at school. It was a hard night for me. All year long I feel as though I have been distancing myself from school; first with working full time and not being able to physically be in the school building, then by removing Lilah from the school itself to my continual disdain at the way school operates in general. Sitting there in a crowded gymnasium, it hit me that this may be my last experience with school for some time and quite possibly my last in the school my daughters attended since they were five.
In addition to this, I had a moment of uncertainty about Grace. She loves band. She enjoys playing the flute with her friends. Performing brings her joy. I worried about how much she will miss it. I watched her carefully. She did not look happy. She played her songs with pride. However, Grace is a year ahead of the material she was expected to learn in fourth grade. She has taught herself how to play and can easily keep up with the advanced band students. Despite this, she was not allowed to play with the advanced band because this is her first year. She was angry and I was angry for her. I have always told her life is not always fair and fair is not always equal. This was not fair and there are times when not all students should be treated equal. If she is capable and could have auditioned (like she had to for her solo), why then could she not audition for the opportunity to play with the advanced band for just one song? We will never know.
I realized she may miss band. I am trying to arrange flute lessons with the music school she currently attends for piano. She will be participating in our church youth choir this fall and the music director at church was the music teacher at school last year. He knows Grace and I think if she asks him, he will incorporate her piano and flute into the choir. She will have opportunities to perform. Her lessons will continue. Life may be unfair at times, but we still grow from these experiences. My moment of uncertainty was fleeting.
I enjoyed watching her play. Even though I could not rotate the video upright, hopefully you will too!