Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Leave It All To Me

When my girls were little I would go to bed and want to tear out my hair because the lyrics to Barney would run nonstop through my brain on a continuous loop..I love you, you love me.  Horrid.  Now I have a different set of lyrics running through my brain.  Perhaps you recognize them....
In five, four, three, two
I know 
you see
somehow the world will change for me
and be so wonderful
live life
breathe air
I know somehow we're gonna get there
and feel so wonderful
It's all for real
I'm telling you just how i feel
So wake up the members of my nation
It's your time to be
there's no chance unless you take one
every time you see the brighter side
of every situation
somethings are meant to be
so give me your best and leave the rest to me
leave it all to me
leave it all to me
just leave it all to me
I have viewed just about every iCarly episode on tv, so I don’t pay much attention anymore.  It never occurred to me to actually listen to the lyrics.  

Today was not a great day.  Another morning of arguments, threats to return to school and many, many tears.  Out of the rubble of the aftermath of this argument came a glimmer of hope.  We all hopped into my bed, pulled the covers up to our chins and talked.  I acknowledged their feelings.  Grace is struggling to find her way in a system she is not familiar with in a structure that was created by Lilah and I months ago.  Lilah is feeling that this very structure is disrupted and she is not so sure she likes it.  I asked for a promise, to treat each other with kindness and respect.  Then I told them to leave it all to me.  Put their trust in me.  Count on me as their mother to know that as long as this is what we all want, we will find a way to make it work.  Lean on me when they are feeling unsure.  Confide in me when they do not like something or have ideas for change.  

In turn, I am leaving it all up to God.  I can plan, prepare and present.  But I am realizing that this journey is so much more than just homeschooling.  This is about mending a relationship between two little girls.  
As Stacey wrote in my comments yesterday, What if this is a bigger journey? What if it is as much about being "sisters" and being "family" as it is about school lessons. What if the reason our nation's families are such a mess (high divorce rates, etc) is that we don't really know how to "get along" as families because we always go our separate ways in 20 different directions? I'm thinking your daughters will be the best of friends in about 10 years and quite possibly relationally intelligent because they will be forced to figure out intimacy as siblings rather than superficial friendships in public school.”

I have been thinking about this all day.  We have not been homeschooling all along.  We have been homeschooling one child for 9 months and the other child for 2 weeks.  They have been in school for six and three years.  That is significant time spent apart.  Weekends are busy running errands, spending time with Dad, church and family dinners.  Our weekends have never allowed for long stretches of quiet time at home.  This is new for them.  They don’t always know how to related to one another.  It is like they are rediscovering being sisters and working on becoming friends.  What seemed so simple, sisterhood, is actually quite complicated.  Two girls relating to one another, sharing the time and attention of one parent (who happens to also be their teacher), recently sharing a room, sharing homeschool friends, plus the newness of learning at home is a lot for a young person to adjust to.  It is going to take time, patience and understanding.
So Grace and Lilah, It's your time to be, there's no chance unless you take one, every time you see the brighter side of every situation, somethings are meant to be, so give me your best and leave the rest to me.


Karen said...

Today Kei tried as hard as possible to just get finished! She rushed through everything. She didn't understand math, she hated writing, she thought grammar was 'dumb'. We have days like that. Sometimes a few in a row. Sometimes an entire week of them. I threaten her with PS. hehe

I read the comment Stacey left yesterday and agree with her so much. Maybe this is the 'reason' God steered you toward HSing. Maybe it is for something more wonderful and special.

One thing I have noticed with my HS friends is how close their kids are. It blows my mind. When I was little my brothers and I about killed each other. My sister in law has kids 2 years apart and they 'hate' each other.

Being together most of the time is their 'norm'. It isn't Grace and Lilah's norm yet. It will be though. I have a feeling that they will come out of this better friends, better sisters, better people.

There is a free "All About Me" lapbook on Homeschool Share. Let them each do one on EACH OTHER.

Your song was perfect, "somethings are meant to be so give me your best and leave the rest to me".

Hugs from Bama!

Jessica said...

I love the idea of an all about me book on each other! I am going to check it out right now!!!!

Stacey said...

Love the journey Jessica...
and just in case it sounded like I have it all together...I don't. So, promise you'll encourage me sometime when I need it!

Theresa said...

I love what Stacey said and I love the "All About Me" book idea...I am going to look at that too!!

I am also going to pray that you all work through this and that your girls enjoy their time together.

Jessica said...

Will do Stacey! Only someone who has been through this can understand what my girls are going through. Thank you all for your support.

We will work through this. I could have posted about the great time they had at the Audubon class or how delicious Lilah's homemade ravioli were that she made in baking class but it would have felt fake. If any other families are researching about withdrawing their children from school, I want them to know the honest reality. Our journey has been amazing so far. Right now we hit a bump in the road and we will persevere. Both my girls still want this (when they are not fighting) and because of that, it will work.

Today is a new day. We have nothing planned but lessons, craft activities, and rest. We are going to begin a deep clean of their bedroom since they both agree that the state it is in is a cause of stress.

Today is a new opportunity. I am hoping and praying for the best.

mamak said...

Just catching up on blogs. You know, not to go and sound all unschooly on you but I have a few thoughts. No thoughts on them working it out and finding their new groove, that will take time, tears, and a lot of talking.
I find our lifestyle (mine) to be so much more than mere "filling their heads" with book lessons. It's on how to meet everybody's needs. This life and everything we do daily is a democratic process. My kid's interpersonal skills, critical thinking, and conflict resolution is growing by leaps and bound. You can only learn this stuff by being in the trenches and responding to different scenarios constantly. This is so opposite of a mon- Fri schedule, and a teacher to resolve your conflicts for you. This exposure to all that must be done to navigate a life privately and with numerous others. All the thinking, planning, and trying to solve everyones dilemmas creatively will most certainly give them an edge in all those book lessons they will discover and accomplish in the future.
Sometimes the most valuable lessons are the things we don't think of as learning, per se.

Jessica said...

MamaK, you are right. It is very hard for me to lose the school way of thinking. We have had a better day because rather than me telling them what to do, or giving them a checklist, we went through our day and when we had time and they were up for math, we did math. We felt like watching a biography today for our biography reading unit so we did, we really enjoyed history today and we introduced Grace to the book of centuries which we LOVE. I am learning to relax but I still have a way to go. I think I need to read some John Holt!

Winnie said...

I love you! You are the best! thank you for home shcooling me

Jean jellybean

Jennifer said...

Sorry that you are going through a hard time. I know that it can definitely take some time to adjust if they are used to being in school. Even those of us that have always homeschooled have our days - believe me! Don't be discouraged!!

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