Wednesday, February 9, 2011

What are my dreams?

Theresa over at Our Life in Words, left me a comment yesterday that got me thinking.....
What are my dreams? What are my dreams? I know I used to have them...
I think I have gotten so busy in living my day to day life, educating my kids, worrying that I am doing the right thing, worrying about the economy, wondering what it will be like when my girls go to college... thinking about what I want to do when my girls go to college...and I have lost my ability to dream...
Thanks for the reminder...Dreaming is big and important...
This kitchen project has been a dream I have had for a long time.  It is not about the new appliances, although they are great.  It is not about the nice counter tops I will have.  Heck, it is not even about the fact that I will actually HAVE counter space.  It is about how it will improve the quality of our family life.  If I lived here alone I would not do this project.  I want my girls to be able to sit and see me while I prepare dinner.  Or better yet, I would like to have the ability to prepare a meal together.  I want to give Lilah a space where she can make her dreams come true.  While it may seem on the outside that this is a dream realized for me, it is actually for my family.
What are my dreams?  Have I too, been so caught up in the mundane day to day minutia of life, that I have lost sight of what makes me me?  What kind of role model would I be if I did not allow myself to dream and work on achieving the dreams I hold on to?
I have a dream........
...that when I am able to retire, I am strong and healthy.  So is my husband.  We are able to walk hand in hand down the street, near a beach, close enough to hear the waves.  Originally I thought this place would be Cape Cod, but as I get older, I am thinking maybe the Carolina's.  I want to smell the salty air, walk barefoot by the breaking waves, and sit for hours with a good book and a good dog.  I dream of being close enough so my children and grand-children can be a part of my life.
....that there will be a big vacation in my life soon.  A special time set aside for the four of  us to get away, far away.  On a plane away.  We need time as a family to reconnect.  Puerto Rico was three years ago and technically not a vacation.  My girls are growing up into young ladies.  I want to matter to them.  I want to know even more about their likes and dislikes, hopes and dreams.  I know a lot already.  Having this time with them has given me the chance to get to know them better.  But to have this life, this amazing gift, Greg works very very hard.  He commutes 4 hours a day to Manhattan.  He travels.  He works from home.  We miss him and he misses us.  I want to get away from it all.  Away from our cell phones, the blogs, Facebook, texts, and even television.  I want to have time with those I love.
...that one day you will be able to walk into Barnes & Nobel and see me at a desk signing books.  Not just any book -- my book!  I am not a fiction writer.  I wish I had a story to tell.  I have started something.  Something not big enough to share yet.  It has slowed down to the point of stopping.  I need to pick it up, dust it off, and get it going again!
....finding a job, or creating a job that I love.  Not right now of course....but when the girls are older and are heading to college.  I want to have a job I love and look forward to doing every day.  I have been blessed that I loved my job at the international moving company I held for a few years.  I also loved my job in education.  I wonder what I will be when I am really grown up?  
....of other things big and small too.  Like having straight teeth when I decide to spend money on myself for invisalign.  Like having my nails done every week and my wardrobe being just the way I like it.  Of having a clean car, clean house and oh my.....maybe just maybe some help with keeping my house and car clean!  I dream of cooking gourmet meals my children will appreciate and thank me for.  I dream of eating chips and guacamole and not gaining one pound.  I dream of waking up with long hair, that is mostly blond, not mostly gray.  I dream of having perfect eyesight with out glasses or contacts.  I dream of having more dogs, rescued dogs that need love.  I dream of possibly adding a child to my family that needs to be loved.  I dream of sleeping soundly at night.  I dream of banishing Graves disease from my body and feeling energetic and healthy all the time.  I dream of educating my children at home for the long haul.  I dream of helping education other people’s children in non-traditional ways....hmmm....could this by my dream job someday?  I dream of having chickens and alpaca.  I dream of perfectly tweezed eyebrows.  I dream of coffee...rich, dark coffee and being able to drink as much of it as I want, when I want and enjoying every drop. I would enjoy this for breakfast with the eggs I just collected from my chicken coop!  I dream of going back to my love of karate, but in a different form.  Tai Chi perhaps.  I dream of having the ability and time to do that for myself.  
So many dreams.  So little time.  Baby steps.  I will get there one baby step at a time.

4 comments:

Theresa said...

I didn't know you had Graves disease!

This has really got me thinking...but I think I would need to post rather than just reply. I think the stress I was feeling is caused by maybe not actually working on some of those dreams right now...but I still have them :) It's just not the right time for them. Thanks for helping me to see this.

Theresa said...

When you put it this way. I definitely have dreams...to eat whatever I want and not gain weight! To own a Craftsman style bungalow -- perhaps, since we are dreaming we have ample funds to completely renovate it and bring it back to it's true beauty! (Before the economy went bust, we had been considering buying houses to fix up and sell -- I LOVE those kinds of projects!) To live in an area that is less cut-throat and fast-paced--maybe down South? One of the dreams I feel most connected to is to reconnect with 2 people from my past, both of whom felt like soul mates when I was young...but college took us in different directions and we lost touch...I look for them on fb all the time!

I would also like to write a book, but I enjoy writing fiction. I would like to be a better knitter or a jewelry designer....so many things...

Helena said...

I love this, Jessica. Isn't it amazing what pours out when you ask yourself these big, open questions? I know some of your dreams well—they are mine too. Others made me laugh (perfectly tweezed eyebrows!), and others helped me get to know you better. You've spoken your dreams out loud now, given them light—I truly believe that will help make them happen, some time, some how! Thank you for sharing them with me (us)!

Karen said...

You know...I have always had dreams..dreams of where I want to be, what I want to do. I would lay in bed and envision this 'perfect' life.
Now that I have Kei, she is at the center of my dreams..for now. I want to raise her to be a child of God, I want her to be kind and giving and loving and loving to learn and always being the greatest she can be.
Loved this post Jess. Hugs

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