Tuesday, October 13, 2015

I'm as happy as I choose to be

Yesterday I read about a woman who presented herself as perfect on social media and then was found dead in an New York apartment building lobby apparently of a drug overdose.  No one is perfect.  No one has a perfect life.  Money does not equal perfection.  A family does not equal perfection.  A steady job and income does not equal perfection.  Heck, even a strong religious conviction does not equal perfection.  

I hope my girls never look at blogs, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and think that someone else’s life is “perfect” because we are all perfectly imperfect, searching to find our better selves, or maybe not searching all that hard.  Who knows?  We each walk our own journey towards happiness and like Tim Tebow posted today on IG, “I have found that most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.” ~ Abraham Lincoln.  Wise words.  Wise too are the ones I listened to yesterday, the same day I read the story of the overdose, from Joel Osteen.  He shared the story of the Samaritan Woman that Jesus visited.  Jesus sought out the imperfect.  We are all worthy of Grace.

Not every IG feed shares every moment of real life.  We share what makes us happy, what brings us joy.  We share our children’s smiling faces, our clean dining room table, our husband’s loving glance, because that is us being happy in the moment.  I am not going to share the fact that illness has run rampant in my house, I’ve been to the doctors more times this month than in the past 2 years, my child is coughing so hard at midnight that I am debating bringing her to the hospital and my other child can’t fall asleep and it’s midnight and none of us are sleeping and Greg has to wake up at 4:30am and face a very important and stressful meeting, then get on a plane the next day and fly to his other office, then get ready for a longer upcoming trip.  At midnight I am not at my best and feel badly that I was snippy instead of supportive and caring. The dog is crapping all over the house and I love her to pieces, but she is 15 and caring for her is time consuming.  The laundry is piling up, my laundry, not every one else's.  The dust on the ceiling fans is grossing me out. I just washed the floors, disinfected the door knobs, the cabinet handles, the sink faucets and still feel germs.  I have library books to return, late fees piling up.  I have dog medicine to pick up a half hour away, and I’ve already been to the pharmacy three times for the daughter who is currently sick and wouldn’t it be nice if they were a compounding pharmacy to save me the hour trip for Daphne’s meds but without the meds she will pee all over the house and her autoimmune disease will come out of remission and she will die. So there really is no option.  I have just quit my volunteer job at church because I cannot put 15 hours a week into the position in addition to all this and I have not even mentioned the homeschooling stuff.  Thankfully lessons are happening in spite of all this other “stuff”.  

I am as happy as I choose to be.  I choose to look at leaves and focus on the water droplets.  I choose to look at my clean dining room table instead of my messy kitchen counter.  I choose to keep some things private and not share everything with everyone.  I choose to focus on my children’s health and try not to worry about unfinished work.  I choose to appreciate that I would have other worries if we were traditionally schooling and missing this much of 8th and 10th grade. I choose to be happy.  Because I am.  It may not always show and that is for me to work on, but even in the tougher seasons of life, I choose happiness, and that is what you will see on my Instagram feed.


Jennifer Pearson said...
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Karen said...

I love this on so many levels. It has so much truth! <3

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